meandering

it's happening again.
every now and then i start worrying. (yes..i have a tendency to worry a lot about a lot of things.) at the moment i've begun fretting about things i should accomplish before work starts.
absolutely overwhelmed. i don't know what they at the firm expect from a trainee so i feel i should know a lot of stuff, basically.

here are some of the things i think i should delve into and become an expert on before 25 september.
1. company law (right...it's about....companies.)
2. law of contract (offer and acceptance and.......)
3. finance (the last time i looked at a finance book was..lemme see..7 years ago??)
4. what's going on in the world (why are there so many things going on at the same time!)
5. chinese (i wish i had one of those translator fish that they the aliens had in the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy)
6. general social skills (alas..)

hm.......

darn it.
and all i want is to be happy.

trial advocacy

Well, the PCLL course has officially ended. Last Thursday (8 June) we took our final trial advocacy assessment and that was it. It is over.

You see, I could have been barred from taking the advocacy assessment which you need to pass in order to graduate. To cut long story short, after the written exams I flew back home for 5 days missing the first 2 days of trial advocacy sessions. Attendance in these sessions was mandatory but I didn’t know this. I should have checked the PCLL website before making any decisions to miss any class but I didn’t; a very very stupid omission.

Anyways, I come back and find out that I may be barred from taking the assessment. I won’t go into detail what that meant for me in terms of my future after the PCLL, suffice to say that I would have been in one BIG mess. I met with the course co-ordinator and she told me I had to write a formal letter explaining my absence and that I won’t know whether I’ll be able to take the assessment until right before it. Bam!

So for the next two weeks I went through a train of emotions. At first I was so angry at myself for being careless, then I felt sorry for myself, then I became angry at the trial advocacy programme thinking ‘why am I having so much trouble with something that I’ll probably never use in practice!’, etc etc. BUT at the end of day there was just me and only me to blame.

What happened next? By Grace of God they let me take the assessment and I was able to pass the course. Hurray!! A very humbling experience, a reminder that it didn’t matter if I think the course was badly organized etc. etc. at the end of the day I still had to give it my full attention and I had to pass it.

This little but traumatic incident made me wonder when or indeed if I can ever become a truly humble person; a sort of person who has confidence in God and not herself that she will not needlessly belittle herself or think herself above things when she faces new circumstances and challenges. I seem to continuously oscillate between feeling inadequate when I encounter tasks that I’m not very good at and snobbishly proud when I find myself in a more manageable situation. Of course I don’t overtly think these thoughts, especially the latter one, and yes deep inside me I thought I was better than this course. But they are still in me, and God knows that. It’s just wonderful to know that He loved me knowing all this and still loves me. And I want to be better than this me.

what is pcll to mountains and rocks!

i know..it's almost over. i only have one more exam to go and i'll be able to take a break from exams for a very long time, maybe even forever.

yet i'm so tired. it's as if i've been stretched too far. yes..i know too that this term has been considerably less demanding than the last. i know..but still i feel like a jar of jam with hardly anything left in it and someone is trying to scrape every bit of jam that is left. i don't have anymore to give!

i know..i'm complaining. i know..

hey though. i've been staring at this wonderfully tranquil picture of a woody path that my friend gave me. i can almost smell the moist tree smell of the forest and hear the sound of little of puffs of oxygen blubbling out from the trees. ah.......

i wish i was mary poppins or have a nanny like her. how cool it would be to just close my eyes and jump and find myself in the picture.

thank God though that you don't need much money, status, (heck you don't even have to pass the PCLL!) etc. to enjoy some of the most beautiful things that this world has to give. you just need a longing heart and time. after the exam.. you bet. you'll see a little me waving my hands in a picture like that.

as mary in pride and prejudice movie so rightly pointed out.. 'what are men to mountains and rocks!' :)

(i think in the novel it was actually elizabeth who says this.)

a quickie

ok just a quickie since i really should be studying..

today i finally managed to complete some long overdue errands:

1. it took me a month to take my dry-cleaning-needed clothes to the dry cleaner and took me another week to collect them (although it could have had them back in three days..). DONE.
2. i took my towels i mentioned about down below to the laundry place since they couldn't be used without washing after staying wet for more than 2 days. DONE.
3. i finally recharged my octopus card after frantically searching my purse, bag, jeans pockets for coins for the buses for a week! DONE
4. paid the rent (actually this wasn't overdue....xenia and i are good, reliable tenants..). DONE
5. studied........DOING.....?

everytime i finish what i'm supposed to do i feel so unburdened and free. yet everytime i delay the doing til the very last minute letting it hang over me in the meantime. i can almost feel the physical weight of the pressure to complete the errand weighing down on me..yet i resist. how foolish i am.

ok back to study now that i'm free of all errands. no..i still have to pay the electricity bills..ai.

The sluggard craves and gets nothing, but the desires of the diligent are fully satisfied. Proverbs 13:4

no title

today we had our last set of pcll lectures. next week will be a full on study week then exams.
wa..almost over. this is will be my last year of study for many years to come.
i'm ready to move on to the next stage of my life.. i really am. i'm thrilled at the idea of becoming an independent adult paying taxes like all responsible members of society haha (and probably injecting most of my salary into the general economic circulation in the first couple of months. ;)).

i pray now, before i get my hands on the money, that i may use it wisely and for God's plan. i want to be a good steward and not waste the gift on buying a hundredth pair of shoes.. which i'm totally capable of doing.

but now i guess..i pray that i will study hard so that i may pass this course which is kind of a key step to be able to start earning.

so study soyoun!

what i really dislike about Hong Kong

my laundry never dries! and when they finally finally do they smell like old water.
i washed my towels and a top yesterday and still they are w.e.t. after more than 24 hours.
i feel so helpless.

it's not only laundry. all my clothes smell a bit damp in varying degrees. i mean i can't leave the air-conditioner on the whole day just to get rid of the humidity right?? even if i have enough money to do that i'd have to stay home the whole day since it's just not right to leave your air-conditioner on when there's nobody in the house.

i've even developed this habit of constantly sniffing at my clothes during the day lest i smell like sweat; and i really don't like smelling bad... but what can i do? i cover myself with a shower-cologne after washing and spray on perfume before i leave the house in the morning but everything wears off by mid-day.

ai.....

but having vented out my frustration, i still like Hong Kong.. just because of all the precious people i've met here.

monday

just a normal monday.
just a few happy and embarrassing memories to keep me smiling throughout the day.
we sang 'still' ( i think that's what the title is) during the bible study worship.
want to listen and sing it again..

to be still in your presence.