trial advocacy

Well, the PCLL course has officially ended. Last Thursday (8 June) we took our final trial advocacy assessment and that was it. It is over.

You see, I could have been barred from taking the advocacy assessment which you need to pass in order to graduate. To cut long story short, after the written exams I flew back home for 5 days missing the first 2 days of trial advocacy sessions. Attendance in these sessions was mandatory but I didn’t know this. I should have checked the PCLL website before making any decisions to miss any class but I didn’t; a very very stupid omission.

Anyways, I come back and find out that I may be barred from taking the assessment. I won’t go into detail what that meant for me in terms of my future after the PCLL, suffice to say that I would have been in one BIG mess. I met with the course co-ordinator and she told me I had to write a formal letter explaining my absence and that I won’t know whether I’ll be able to take the assessment until right before it. Bam!

So for the next two weeks I went through a train of emotions. At first I was so angry at myself for being careless, then I felt sorry for myself, then I became angry at the trial advocacy programme thinking ‘why am I having so much trouble with something that I’ll probably never use in practice!’, etc etc. BUT at the end of day there was just me and only me to blame.

What happened next? By Grace of God they let me take the assessment and I was able to pass the course. Hurray!! A very humbling experience, a reminder that it didn’t matter if I think the course was badly organized etc. etc. at the end of the day I still had to give it my full attention and I had to pass it.

This little but traumatic incident made me wonder when or indeed if I can ever become a truly humble person; a sort of person who has confidence in God and not herself that she will not needlessly belittle herself or think herself above things when she faces new circumstances and challenges. I seem to continuously oscillate between feeling inadequate when I encounter tasks that I’m not very good at and snobbishly proud when I find myself in a more manageable situation. Of course I don’t overtly think these thoughts, especially the latter one, and yes deep inside me I thought I was better than this course. But they are still in me, and God knows that. It’s just wonderful to know that He loved me knowing all this and still loves me. And I want to be better than this me.